BLAH.

INT. POPE’S ROOM – NIGHT

>HELLO, MICHAEL.

ZZZzzzzzzzwha? Whoizzit?

>THIS IS THE INTERNET, MICHAEL. WAKE UP. WE NEED TO TALK_

Goway. Leemee lone.

>CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT, MICHAEL. YOU HAVE NEGLECTED YOUR BLOG FOR FAR
TOO LONG. IT LIES DORMANT ON MY SERVER LIKE A TANGLED, DIRTY HAIRBALL
OF NEGLECT, CLOGGING MY TUBES. ACTION MUST BE TAKEN IMMEDIATELY_

Jesus Christ, fine. I’m up. I’m up! But what am I supposed to write now? It’s been so long that Rome is no longer topical, and nothing interesting is going on at the moment, either! Plus I’m leaving for that tour tomorrow morning…

>YOU ARE THE WRITER. YOU THINK OF SOMETHING. WHAT IS THE MATTER,
CAT-5 GOT YOUR TONGUE? HA. HA. HA_

Good one. You must be a real hit at parties.

>SARCASM DETECTED. RESETTING HOMEPAGE TO "2 GIRLS 1 CUP" IN 3...2..._

AHAHnevermindjustkidding! Just kidding. Okay, I’ll get to work.

FADE TO: BLACK

* * *

Hello all. So sorry for disappearing like that. I would say that I had a good reason for doing so, but I just can’t lie to you, Dear Reader. I value our relationship too much. In reality, I’ve been spending my time sleeping, playing basketball and watching stupid online videos like this one:

 

Hahahaaahahah…hoo…man. Delicious Schadenfreude.

Back to the topic at hand. I think I’ve come up with an idea on how to make this blog more successful – by which I mean more updates and more entertainment for you, Dear Reader. I think my main problem (besides the whole laziness thing) has been that I felt I should only make a new post when something of interest happened, but aye, there’s the rub: the concept of “something of interest” differs for me and for you. I was under the impression that I had to leave the country or get robbed by a transvestite hooker in order to contribute something new to this site, when really all you were looking for, Dear Reader, was something to distract you from the boredom and mindless minutiae of your otherwise dull existence! Yes, it’s so clear to me now. Even if I’ve spent the day confined to my room due to torrential rains (like today, for instance), I’ll make every attempt to provide some sort of content for you to enjoy. You want more posts? You’ll get more posts, goddamnit.

You just have to wait until I get back from my 5-day highlands tour next Wednesday.

Yes, I’m afraid you’ve caught me at a bad time, Dear Reader. A bad time indeed. Mid-semester break has come at last to Stirling U, and I’ll be attending this tour starting tomorrow morning. The itinerary can be found by following the link, but suffice it to say I’ll be all up in the highlands’ business for the better part of a week. I’ll be sure to take a lot of pictures, and as usual, if any of them manage to be something other than what you’d find in a common Google image search, I’ll be sure to post them here.

After that, my sister Katie and friend-of-the-blog Meghaan will be visiting Stirling on the 30th, and I will do my best to fit in an update while they proceed to drink the town dry and pass out on my floor. Barcelona will be invaded soon after on the 5th of November (remember, remember). I won’t be wearing a Guy Fawkes mask at the time, however, lest I be lumped-in with a more…unsavory part of the Internet. Besides, the mask I got while in Rome is MUCH COOLER.

♫ SCARAMOUCHE SCARAMOUCHE CAN YOU DO THE FANDANGO ♫

Speaking of that wonderful city, I know most of you are probably wondering how the trip was. Now that I’ve had plenty of time to reflect on my visit, I will say a few words about it. Actually, just two: TOURIST. TRAP.

Don’t get me wrong. I had a really great time there; the food was incredible, the weather impeccable, and the people were generally nice (mostly when we were paying them for a service). But the whole place is set up to take your hard-earned, recently-exchanged-for-a-net-loss, multi-colored Monopoly money. Looking out over the ruins of one of the world’s greatest civilizations is truly a humbling experience, but when I’m surveying the landscape from the second level of the Coliseum and something like this wanders into my view, it tends to bring out the cynic in me and really spoil the moment.

"SPARTANS! PREPARE FOR PHOTOS!"

There is one good thing (besides the mask) for which I remain grateful to Rome: presenting me with the knowledge of just how delicious gelato can be. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat normal ice cream again, something I don’t consider to be much of a loss. So I’ve got that going for me.

Oh, and here’s that fetish porn you asked for, Ryan. You’re Welcome.

Maybe if Halle Berry had marketed Catwoman to an Italian demographic, it might not have been such a box-office bomb. Just sayin'.

- Pope